Wait

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Sometimes I set my intention before the universe and the response I get is

Wait.

That’s not right.  That’s not fair.  I deserve this.  Shakes fist at universe.  Becomes frustrated.

Wait.

Maybe the universe is not hearing me.  Shouts louder. Screams, even.  Grows impatient.

Just.Wait.

Patience has never been my strength.  As for entitlement, well, I’ll admit that often I feel entitled to the things that I want.  To the things that I believe that I need.

As time passes, as I experience more, as I have become a partner, a mother, a professional, I can look back and see the times when the universe told me to wait.  I almost never handled it with grace or understanding.  I fumed and scowled.  I cursed the people that rejected me for the job.  I cried over the lover that didn’t call me back.  I yelled at the traffic for making me late.  I grieved over the friendship that faded.  I complain about my lack of time, lack of money, lack of energy to write.

Wait.

When I was trying to get pregnant with my daughter I attempted to exerted control in the form of carefully monitoring my cycle. Worrying about it. Fretting over it. When I stopped doing that, I got pregnant.

Wait.

When I began to consider changing careers I applied for so many jobs.  I interviewed at a few that I thought I really wanted.  I was devastated when I didn’t get them.  I let myself dwell on it and suffer under it.  I finally loosened my grip on the rejection.  When I let go, an unbelievable opportunity fell right into my lap.

Wait.

I don’t mean this to say “everything happens for a reason.”  That isn’t what this is about.  For me it has always been about letting go of my desire to control.  Letting go of doubt.  Letting go of anxiety.  Letting go of fear.  It’s always been about trust.  Some people call it faith.  But trust in myself.  Trust in my ability.  Trust that the universe is not working against me but for me.  And sometimes the way the universe works for me is to remind me to Wait.

Doesn’t mean I stop setting intentions.  Intention and desire move life forward.  Seeing what you want, visualizing it, knowing you will have it is at the core of achievement.  But what I understand now, the lesson I continue to learn is that accomplishment is about hard work and diligence, yes, but it is also about patience and trust.  It’s about maintaining that patience and trust through the rejection so that I’m always in a positive place moving forward.  The only thing I’ve ever gotten from screaming at the universe is a sore throat.  It doesn’t move me anywhere.

And so, I quiet myself.  I take a deep breath.  I let my spirit settle into itself.  I put my head down and work.  And I wait.

2 thoughts on “Wait

  1. I came here just to look in the window, I didn’t plan on saying anything. Then I read more posts and cried. I felt close to you all over again, I felt vulnerable and uneasy. So much has changed and so much has stayed the same. I’m engaged and expecting my first little girl in January. Even though we are worlds away from where we used to be, your words mean so much to me at this time in my life. I had to tell you that. I guess that is what a true writer aspires to do…incite emotion. Cheers to that!

    Like

    1. Aw girl! This means so much to me. And congratulations on the engagement and pregnancy. True, so much has changed but I’m still me. Still here. ❤️ Would love to reconnect.

      Like

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