Dear Little Human,
I hear you will be joining us sometime soon. I’m Rover, aka Buddy-pal, aka Red dog. I can’t say that I’m completely thrilled that there is another little human on its way. In truth, I’m feeling a little dismayed. The first one, well…it was tiny and used to just lay around. That was fine. But then it started moving around more…and more….and then it got up on its hind legs. Now it runs everywhere on two legs. It makes weird, high-pitched noises, smells funny, and is always trying to poke my eyes. (Why the eyes?) I don’t know what happened, but it seems to be getting louder and faster as time passes. I’m not sure if all little humans are that way. If you have a choice, little human, you should just lay around. That’s mostly what I do.
I do, however, like to play fetch. Will you be able to throw balls for me? The other little human tries, but is not very good at it. The balls don’t go very far. If you can throw balls across the yard then you and I will get along great. If not, then just demand to go outside. That’s also what the other little human does. It squeals and bangs on the door. That seems to force the alpha humans in the house to let it outside. They have to go with it though and once outside, one of the them usually will throw the ball for me. (It begs the question, are they really the alphas anymore??)
What about eating? The first little human didn’t seem to eat much when it was tiny, at least not that I could see. (It was always laying on top of the alpha mom.) But then the bigger it got, the more it started eating food. And the more it started dropping food. Yes! That’s what I’m talking about! I get to sneak food all the time now and that never used to happen. That’s probably the best thing about little humans in the house. Free human food.
Also, the two alpha humans like to go for walks a lot more now. We gather up the little human almost every night and go walk outside. That’s, like, my third favorite thing to do (after fetching and eating). So I guess that’s another good thing about little humans in the house.
Ok, ok, I think I’ve convinced myself that you can join our pack. It’s a good pack. There are some rules in this pack. I should tell you the rules. They are as follows:
- No pooping in the house. (The humans do this in a big bowl thingy.)
- No peeing in the house. (They also do this in that bowl thingy.)
- No barking in the house. (The other little human makes all kinds of other loud noises though.)
- Stay off the furniture. (But the other little human climbs all over it so…not sure what that means for you.)
- Be good.
- Throw balls.
- Drop/throw all your food
Ok, I added those last two rules. But they are pretty good ones and you should know them before you get here. That’s how you and I will become best friends. See you soon, little human.